Golf Humor

If you have a good one, please forward it to me and I will share it on this page.

humor@dfti.net

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 am, on the first Hole of a
busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my
upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud
speaker, 'Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's
tee please!'

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in
my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the
announcement, 'Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the
men's tee.'

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man
yelled, 'Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee,
please!'

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back 'Would the
jerk with the microphone please be quiet and let me play my second
shot.'

 

Top 10 Caddy Comments

 

# 10

Golfer: 'Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.'

Caddy: 'Think you can keep your head down that long?'

 # 9

Golfer: 'I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.'

Caddy: 'Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.'

# 8

Golfer: 'Do you think my game is improving?'

Caddy: 'Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.'

# 7

Golfer: 'Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?'

Caddy: 'Eventually.'

# 6

Golfer: 'You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.'

Caddy: 'I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.'

# 5

Golfer: 'Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.'

Caddy: 'It's not a watch - it's a compass.'

# 4

Golfer: 'How do you like my game?'

Caddy: 'Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.'

# 3

Golfer: 'Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? '

Caddy: 'The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.'

# 2

Golfer: 'This is the worst course I've ever played on.'

Caddy: 'This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.'
  
And the # 1 Best Caddy Comment:

Golfer: 'That can't be my ball, it's too old.'

Caddy: 'It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.'

 

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says,  
'Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing.  
I hope you can forgive me.'  

His wife was hurt but said, 'Dearest, those days are long  
gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive  
you.' They embraced and kissed.  

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back  
swing when the wife blurted out, 'I'm sorry darling, I've  
been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since  
we're being honest with each other, I have something to  
tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change  
operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can  
forgive me.'  

The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw  
a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the   
ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf  
cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by  
one, then started on hers.  

He screamed and ranted, 'You liar! You cheat! You despicable  
deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart  
and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the  
ladies' tees!'